Funny Golf Quotes

Golf is a sport that is commonly enjoyed with friends and family, but is also one that can cause lots of frustration. To lighten up the mood, use some of these quotes to get a laugh out of the other golfers on the course.

Quotes for the Clubhouse

1. "I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's game: it's called an eraser." -Arnold Palmer

2. "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie." -Mickey Mantle

3. "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." -Gerald Ford

4. "You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket." -Lee Trevino

5. "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt." -Dean Martin

6. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing." -Dave Berry

7. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." -G.K. Chesterton

Funny Golf Quotes for the Course

1. "If you are caught in a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Even God can't hit a one iron." -Lee Trevino

2. "May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters." -Ben Hogan

3. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon

4. "The only time my prayers aren't answered is on the golf course." -Billy Graham

6. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake." -Henny Youngman

7. "We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance." -Bruce Lansky

Funny Quotes about Golfers

1. "The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf- it's almost a law." -H.G. Wells

2. "Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly 40 years to discover that I can't play it." -Ted Ray

3. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." -Phyllis Diller

4. "Golf is a worrier's game, inward, concentrated, a matter of inches, invented by the same people who gave us Presbyterianism." -Robert Has

5. "The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties." -P.J. O'Rourke